Always Thinking

It was brief, But it meant the world to me. You. Me. Us. For a moment your eyes were the bluest I had seen. And I remember your smile. It was contagious. I thought I loved you. I wanted to love you. I could have loved you. You spooked. Things got real. I guess it was just too much. We never finished that puzzle we bought. The one with the two wolves howling at the moon. For a while I was alone. It took forever to pick up the pieces. Like that puzzle, I was left undone. But I never loved you. I just fell in love with the idea of us. Romanticizing what could have been had you not gone.

Stop! Don't do it. Think it over first. You always jump without thinking. Spitting out words without meaning. You're a monster who is quick to bite. Regret. It's something you know all too well. It's as if you're addicted to the guilt, Because you keep messing up. Your blood boils as you look in the mirror. Fingernails digging into the palms of your hands. How could you be so stupid? You play out all the possible outcomes in your head. If only you had done this or that . Maybe then you would be able to sleep at night. But you never stop. You never think. You always just do.